It Doesn't Feel Right
by It's-Nothing-Just-A-Wolf
Summary: You tried not to panic. You tried to ignore it all. It just didn't work. You can remember him grabbing you and touching you...you remember it all. You can't let anyone know...not even Peter.
1. Chapter 1

It All Feels Wrong

A Peter Parker Imagine

Warning: This story contains rape and self-loathing

Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel

Authors note: Hi, so this was a lot deeper than I meant it to be. Hopefully no one is too triggered. I hope you all enjoy this story or at least get something from it. Have a great night.

You walked down the street towards your boyfriend Peter's house. You smiled seeing him waiting for you at the window. You waved as you saw him start to go down the stairs to meet you. He was too cute. You thought happily as you walked closer to the building. You frowned as you heard something behind you. You turned around to see if someone was there…nothing. You stared for a second before you heard something in front of you now. You turned jumping as Peter was in front of you frowning. "Hey, are you okay? I came out and you were just staring." You shook your head smiling.

"I'm fine. I just thought I heard something." You turned around once more before Peter grabbed your hand and started pulling you towards the house.

"Come on I have so much to tell you!" You laughed as he pulled you into the house. The two of you talked for hours about everything that had transpired over the last few weeks. There was a ton of laughter and a few minutes of you just kissing your boyfriend.

You were laying on his bed cuddled up to his chest, his head resting on top of yours when you decided to sneak a peek at your phone. "Crap! It's 11. My mom's going to kill me!" You jumped up grabbing your things and heading towards the door before feeling something pull you back. You looked down eyebrows raised. "Did you just web me?" Peter smirked

"Maybe. If I did it was only to get a goodnight kiss from my girlfriend." You smiled raising onto your toes slightly to kiss him before pulling him in for a hug.

"Goodnight Peter."

"Night, oh hey make sure you give me a text or something to let me know you made it home safe." You threw him a thumbs up before running down the hallway.

"Bye May!" You heard her say bye in return just as you made it to the stairs. You began running down the street to try to make it back to your house by 11:10 (you didn't live that far away from Peter). You were beginning to run out of breath. You stopped for a second allowing yourself to breathe. That was the moment you heard the sound again.

You tried to calm yourself, telling yourself it was just you being paranoid or something…it was then you felt as though you were being watched. You tried to keep your breathing calm as you began your walk again. Every car coming past made you jump, any small noise was putting you on edge. 'You're being ridiculous.' You scolded yourself. Every time you became this paranoid you only ended up scaring yourself.

You continued walking but were now walking at a fast pace trying to make it back as soon as possible, because now you could hear someone walking behind you. Every time you picked up the pace the feet behind you seemed to pick up to. You refused to turn around. No need to encourage your fears. You were almost to your house!

A cloth came over your mouth

You gasped not thinking

You immediately fell into darkness

You woke up somewhere dark and dank

You frowned as you slowly tried to stand up

You heard something

You waited listening

The voice was coming from…in front of you.

You strained your eyes trying to see who it was

Whoever it was had a mask on

He was shushing you

The noise making you want to fall back asleep

You shook your head trying to think clearly.

You flinched when he touched you

He caressed your cheek

Almost in a fatherly caring way

You felt tears pool down your cheeks

You refused to flinch

You wouldn't give him the satisfaction

He chuckled

You hated the sound of his voice

You slowly began to move your arms trying to not attract attention

They were bound with…

Rope.

Your feet were tied too

You knew this wasn't good

You began to panic as he leant in closer

His lips hovered over yours

You tried to move your head back but only succeeded in hitting it against the wall

"No no honey. This will go much smoother if you don't resist."

He kissed you

The worst part was it wasn't a horrible kiss

His lips felt like Peters

The thought made you want to gag

You kissed him back as you looked for a way out.

The one issue with this as the kiss became deeper

His tongue moving its way through your mouth

You stomach churned

The ropes weren't tied tight!

That was good!

You began to loosen your feet

You moaned into the kiss completely distracting him

Which was your perfect opportunity

You hiked up your foot kicking him where the sun don't shine

You then proceeded to kick him in the stomach

Slapping him in the face

Really assaulting him however you could.

You were ready to tie him up and call the cops when he jumped up grabbing you

You struggled in his rough grip around your throat

His face was enough to terrify you into panic

Only causing you to suffocate further

"One more move and I kill you where you stand."

You still fought refusing to give up until you felt the blade against your throat.

As you tried to move away all you could feel was the cold wall behind you

…there was no getting out of this one.

You glared at him refusing to show fear as he groped you and kissed your neck

He chuckled again

"Well this is going to be fun." He muttered eying your body

It was all agonizingly slow

Him ripping your shirt

Taking off your skirt

Your bra and underwear coming off next

You refused to look

Instead choosing to stare up at the night sky

You muffled your scream, biting your lip as the pain entered you like wildfire

It didn't stop either

It never stopped

Even after he had pulled out

After he had left

You sat there

Not caring  
what

So

Ever

It didn't matter

It had already happened

Slowly, after what felt like hours

You made your way up the wall.

Hesitantly beginning to walk

Every step was pain

You stopped in the local sandwich store on the way home

Fixing yourself in the restroom.

On your way out your longtime friend asked

"Are you sure you're okay? I could call Peter or your mom."

You shook your head smiling.

"I'm fine. Just decided I was a bit too gross after a run."

You could tell he didn't believe you

You just didn't care enough.

You said bye thanking him for letting you use to restroom and were on your way

You slowly made your way into the apartment

Feeling like every step was in slow motion

You tried to be quiet as you came in

It didn't matter

Your mom was staring at you're from the living room

"Someone doesn't know how to read a clock apparently."

She didn't sound too mad.

That was good.

You couldn't handle a huge fight.

You weren't even positive on what you told her but whatever you said

It worked.

She came over hugging you.

Something you endured.

You could only hope she didn't feel you shaking.

Being touched was the last thing you wanted right now.

You kissed her on the cheek

"Love you Mom. Night."

After she had said goodnight you went to your room locking the door.

You grabbed your things you needed one by one.

Almost robotically

Headed to the restroom stripped all of the disgusting pieces of fabric off.

You rolled them into a ball and threw them behind the door.

You would get rid of them later

All you know is you never want to see them again.

After you were nude.

You avoided the mirror stepping into the shower and turning the water on as high as it would go.

You had read somewhere that hot water killed germs.

You planned to kill them all.

You scrubbed and scrubbed at your skin until there it was raw and bright red

Deciding the water was the most comforting place you sat down staying there.

You curled up into a ball.

It's weird the things you think about in terrible situations.

All you could think of was the movie Requiem for a Dream.

At the very end all the main characters were in the fetal position

The position you were in

It made things slightly more tolerable.

To feel like you were in a movie.

If this was all just a role.

It would make things so much easier.

You stayed like that letting the hot water run over your body.

Burning you all the way to the core.

Maybe

Just Maybe

It would heal you


	2. Chapter 2

It Doesn't Feel Right Part 2

Nothing Feel's Right

Water

Light

Dazed

These were the only thoughts that ran through your head.

You looked up confused

Not all that confused though

It was cold

Shivering

You were shivering

You looked up seeing that the water that had been burning you was now making you feel as though you were dead…

You wished you were dead

Anything would be better than this

You wanted to scream

Crying was all you had done

It didn't help

Then again you were fairly positive that nothing would

You struggled as you stretched your foot to turn the water off.

You couldn't move

So you stayed

You weren't going to be comfortable anyway

It all still hurt.

This hurt would never go away

You heard a repetitive vibration that was getting on your nerves

You slowly reached for it with an arm you weren't sure you were controlling.

You picked up your phone

Everything was in slow motion

Peter

Your thumb hovered over the accept button

Deny

As much as you wanted to talk to Peter

Another part of you wanted nothing to do with him

Nothing to do with anyone

You wanted to be alone

No one could hurt you if you were alone

You slowly clicked Peters name where all of your messages were

You would have smiled at the sweet texts if you were capable of smiling

"Hey sorry mom's asleep and I'm exhausted, night."

Sent

Delivered

Read

"Okay see you in the morning, love you, night."

You didn't even blush as you read the love you part.

Something you had been doing since he began saying it.

The warm bubbling feeling that usually acquainted those words was the longer there.

You slowly stepped out of the tub.

Robotically rubbing the towel over your body before quickly covering yourself with clothes.

You dragged yourself to your room not bothering to turn the light on as you curled up in your bed.

Sleep was all you wanted.

It would be a gift from God if you never woke up.

Yelling. Someone was yelling your name. You hesitantly opened your eyes angry to find the sun shining in. It was all too normal…too happy. As though last night had never happened. You pulled the covers over your head not caring about school or getting ready. None of it mattered. That thought was of course shattered as your mom came into the room attempting to rip your blanket off. "What are you doing!" You screamed definitly not liking being touched.

"Your going to be late for school! Hurry up!" With that she was out the door and you were once again alone. You got out of bed changing as quickly as possible in fear of your mother coming back in. You would NEVER be left in that vulnerable position again! You stopped in front of the mirror only paying attention to your skin and noting that you had many bruises. Just as you began the process of covereing them up your mom was once again yelling for you. You hurridly put the makeup on your face deciding your clothes would cover the rest before running out the door ignoring the pain your body was in.

You said bye to your mom as you got out of the car. You ignored anyone and everyone possible, choosing to instead rush to your locker. You had safely made it when you heard someone whisper in your ear "Hey!" You jumped pushing yourself away from **him.** You of course realized your mistake as you looked into the face of a surprised/offended Peter. You allowed yourself only a second to pull yourself together putting on a happy smile as you would have any other day. You playfully nudged his shoulder.

"Don't scare me like that!" You laughed as convincing as possible. The concern was suddenly gone from his face leaving behind the beautiful happiness he always had. It always made you smile.

"Now where would the fun in that be? Then we would be like every other boring teenager just saying "hey."." You shook your head as the two of you walked to your class.

"This is true. There would be fun in the fact knowing that I wasn't plotting revenge at this very second." He smirked at you, eyes sparkling playfully.

"Now my dear Y/N, you should know by now I am always up for a challenge." He was very close to you. You held back the need to run, replacing the fear with a smirk of your own.

"I know Spidey, but my revenge will have you running all the way home to cry to May." You whispered before moving around him and leaving him the hall way mouth wide open. He had to run to catch up to you. There was no more talking as your class started.

You left your last class to see Peter waiting for you. Oddly enough even under the circumstances he still managed to make you feel like you were safe….almost. You knew as soon as he left you would once again be vulnerable. The thought made you shiver. Peter of course noticed and blamed in on the weather taking off his jacket to give to you. You leaned into him deciding that just for now you could feel safe.

The two of you had stopped at your favorite sandwich place and were at your designated spot in the corner away from everyone else doing homework. Peter kept stealing glances at you while you on the other hand remained oddly focused (something you never were!). Peter shook his head curiously. "What is up with you today?" Your head shot up panic evident in your eyes only for a second before you managed to cover it up.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh I don't know, the odd scare you had this morning when I usually struggle to ever surprise you, the odd sense of you not wanting to talk to anyone, your odd jitters, and the fact that you NEVER focus." He waited for an explination. You stared him in the eyes. Trying so very hard to remain calm when Peter could sense you most defintley were not. He could normally sense your anxiousness but this most certainly was not you! You were being flat out paranoid. He had noticed you stepping closer to him whenever you passed anyone on the street, your very obvious want to sit on the inside of the subway when you normally don't care, also the fact that at this moment you were very obviously hiding something.

Blank

Your mind was blank

Absolutely blank

All day you had been coming up with excuses for everyone

Now you couldn't think of one

Peter was smart and clever

You wouldn't be able to get away with another lie

Laugh

Shake your head

What do you normally do in these situations!

Your not in these situations that's why!

You've never had to lie to him before

Peter watched brows furrowed. You were sweating. To anyone else it wasn't noticible, but with his heightened abilities he could see it. Which also wasn't normal. You don't sweat. Your cold, all the time. As much as you were trying to hide it your eyes were wide and panicked. Peter watched closely as all of your little nervous antics started up. You on the other hand not noticing a thing. You laughed darting Peter out of his daze. It was a forced laugh. "Just tired. Guess it's making me antsy" You said shrugging. There was a moment of silence before you said something about going to the restroom but Peter was no longer paying attention to what you were saying. He was instead focused on your neck and wrists. Your sleeve had rolled up as your nervously rubbed your neck. Both of which were covered in bruises.

You slowly got out of your seat trying to avoid causing any more pain to your body while also trying not to bolt to the bathroom as you so badly wanted to. You patted Peter's hand really wanting the comfort as you closed and locked the door. You gripped the sink fighting back tears. What were you going to do?

Peter was more than curious now. He was concerned. As soon as you were in the bathroom he reached across grabbing your homework. He frowned…empty. You had not down a single problem or wrote a single thing down. Not even your name-which what you always did first, he just knew these things-he looked at the clock noting that the two of you had been sitting at the table doing homework for forty minutes. You had pulled out everything as soon as you sat down. Not even bothering to buy food or a drink-also extremely odd considering you were always hungry-or dessert! Dessert was your favorite! You and him always split a cookie or ice-cream before heading back to one of your houses. The question rang loudly in his mind. If you hadn't been doing homework, what had you been so focused on?


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3 of It Doesn't Feel Right

It Will Be Alright

You took a few more breaths calming down and adjusting your clothes once more before heading back out. You immediately noticed the change in Peter. He was paying much closer attention to you, not the playful gazes of observations he usually gives you. This was analyzing suspicion. You forced a smile as you cocked your head to the side. "What?" He didn't answer immediately, he continued to watch you.

"Hey is it okay if we finish this up at my house? I'm tired too and want to be cozy." You smiled nodding honestly relieved he wasn't questioning you.

"Sure."

The walk was quiet, something both of you were fine with. You had no interest in talking right now and Peter on the other hand was thinking about how to ask you about his concerns. The two of you walked into his house greeting May as you walked in. After giving Peter a hug she came over to hug you making you tense slightly. Something that didn't go unnoticed by Peter. Once the two of you were finally in his room he closed the door. Opting to stay standing by it while you sat down on his bed making yourself comfy.

As you began pulling out your homework once again you noted the unusual silence. You looked up noting Peter's serious and cautious demeanor. You felt your breath hitch as you watched him. You trusted Peter, with everything. You knew he would never hurt you, but a serious Peter was never good. "Alright what is it?" You tried to smile but it looked more like a grimace.

Peter sighed arms crossed. "Y/N I know something's wrong." You felt your entire body stiffen. You felt as though you had just been thrown in a bucket of ice. Prickly goosebumps lined every inch of your body. Something that Peter saw as quickly as you noticed. Your breathing was definitely noticible by now. Peter could hear your breathing from across the room. You averted your eyes to the floor refusing to meet his gaze.

You huddled in on yourself pulling your legs up to your chest and holding them as close as possible making yourself into a ball. You choked back a sob but Peter heard it. He slowly came toward you wrapping his arms around despite your small protest. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. I can't! I just can't!" Peter held you close shushing you as you cried. He was scared. He had no clue what was wrong. He just hoped he could help you.

When your crying had calmed down Peter chanced speaking. "Hey, look at me." He gently cupped your face facing you towards him. He wiped away your tears, making your heart warm. "Will you please tell me what happened? I'm worried about you." You sniffled but nodded. Giving a shaky "okay".

"It was after I left last night. I had this feeling that someone was watching me…I kept telling myself it wasn't real that it as just me being paranoid….but I was wrong. I was almost home and this guy…he-" Your words were cut off as your throat closed painfully with tears. Peter held you close terrified that he knew what was coming. "He raped me Peter. I just wasn't fast or strong enough and I was just too weak and pathetic to stop him." You felt Peter tense.

"Don't say that." You frowned looking up. Your heart broke seeing tears running down Peter's face. "Please please don't say that. You are so so strong and brave and anything but pathetic. If anyone is pathetic it's that lowlife scum." You nodded before leaning further into his arms. He tightened his grip as the two of you cried together. "Y/N I promise you. No one is ever going to hurt you again. I love you and I'm not going anywhere." You looked up eyes full of hope and joy at hearing those words.

"I love you too." He pulled you in for the tightest hug of your life. He kissed your forehead before pulling you back in for another hug. You heard him one last time mutter against your neck "I love you so much." The two of you laid down after that deciding sleep was in order. You feel asleep with Peter's warm embrace surrounding you and it was the safest you had ever felt.

Extra little tidbit

Peter watched closely as the shadow emerged from behind the building. He watched as the man followed the girl into the alley in an eerily silent way. He felt bile rise up in his throat not being able to help how much this girl reminded him of Y/N. He shoved it down knowing it was time to act. He swung down kicking the guy square in the stomach before he could lay one of his disgusting hands on the girl behind him. Peter kicked him again before showing no mercy as he hit him over and over. He barely felt anything after the body went limp. He just kept hitting, because he had to take out this anger and it might as well be the person who is responsible for it all.

He heard a female voice behind him saying something to the girl about getting out of there. The next thing he hear was his name. Someone was yelling his name and touching his shoulders, trying to hold his hands back. "Peter stop! Peter! You're going to kill him!" He watched in a daze as the person came into view.

"Y/N?" He muttered out of breath. She looked at him smiling sadly as she gently took his hands in hers. She put her hands on his face soothing him. She pulled him against her as he had done only hours ago. "I thought I told you to stay home." He felt her chuckle.

"I've never been one for listening or having people fight my battles. No way was I letting you go at this alone." He smiled up at her pulling her down for a kiss. After she slid handcuffs on the unconscious lowlife she grabbed Peters hand. "Let's get out of here." He swung them to the top of a building loving the feeling of her laughing against him all the way. "Hey Peter." She said after a few minutes of silence.

"Yeah?" He asked looking over at her.

"Thanks"

"No problem. We're in this together remember?"

"Forever." She agreed. They stayed like that the rest of the night looking out over the city. Everything finally felt alright.

Authors note: Hello fellow readers! So this story has taken much more time than originally thought but was promised it's finally here. I hope everyone enjoyed and if anyone has been through something like this and wants to correct me on anything I said I am totally game. To anyone this has happened to I meant every word that I had Peter say. You are strong, you are not pathetic, you are a survivor and if you need someone to talk to ever, I'm here. Thanks for all the support and hope to catch you in the writing world soon.

-Kaitlyn


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